.... but I would suggest that those dimwits who failed to maintain adequate backups on your system (hello? this should be funadmental in an institutional setting) have their data restored last. And, of course, until that data has been restored and properly verified (could take months, years, given your workload, you know?) you won't be able to answer basic questions like if they have any vacation or insurance benefits, nor exactly what their proper salary schedule is—but you'll be happy to open a ticket for them.

Either that or give them the option of being run through both eyes with a hot poker.

Sheesh. I feel for you, I really do.