Answers we'll never know
Sep. 30th, 2005 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twilight33After my best friend's wedding (which was beautiful, perfect & preceded by 3 days of drinking too much yet not a single hangover... skol!) last weekend, our time in California turned to meeting more of my grandma's cousins and their families. This branch of the family is extremely close knit, numerous (direct descendants are over 300 now) and have lived in the San Jose area forever. It killed me hearing the Caltrain whistle from her house sometimes when the wind was right knowing I passed by there so many times before.
They've been holding family reunions for 6 decades and I got to see the series of photos which went from comfortably fitting everyone into an 8x10 to practically needing a poster sized enlargement to be able to tell who anyone is. As I was flipping through, one caught my eye. I stared at it, then bit my lip. I asked my grandma's cousin if she knew who the couple in the center of picture was... she didn't.
It was my grandmother & her second husband, vintage 1978. I met my mom's second cousin on Sunday, she was sitting right next to Papa in the picture.
My grandma's cousin was amazed. I was angry. My mom remembered her mom going to 'a few reunions' but nothing specific and she had the impression it was in the 40s or 50s... Grandma wasn't in any of those pictures. She found an extra copy pretty fast and gave it to me to add to my family photo wall.
The question we'll never know the answer to is why wasn't my mom, her 2 sisters and I there in the 70s. We're family, we all lived nearby, and that was a family reunion. Was she ashamed of us? Why else would she raise all of us to believe we were all the family there was?
Eventually my grandma's cousin was angry too, since she thought that there was a complete disconnect between the two branches but photographs don't lie. Her remaining siblings don't know what happened either since they were all about a decade younger, the older ones are gone. My new icon is of me holding a photo album from the late 1800's that my great-great-great grandmother was photographed holding in almost the same position around 1895.
Meet Jean-Paul (after Sartre), who lives in the living room of my mom's second cousin who is an orthopedic surgeon.
Most orthopedists I've encountered are assholes with God complexes but he is amazingly humble, fun-loving & about to celebrate his 25th wedding anniversary. We looked at their wedding photos when we went to visit, and it was obvious the love between them has grown so much stronger through the years despite the fact they lost their only son (my third cousin) to a brain tumor just a few years ago.
Grade school teachers, college professors, stay at home moms, going into real estate for themselves at 56, these people do it all but the sense of family unity and helping each other out without holding it over their heads was what struck me the most. Maybe this is common in the dynamics of larger families, I don't know, but it's completely unfamiliar terrain to me.
They've been holding family reunions for 6 decades and I got to see the series of photos which went from comfortably fitting everyone into an 8x10 to practically needing a poster sized enlargement to be able to tell who anyone is. As I was flipping through, one caught my eye. I stared at it, then bit my lip. I asked my grandma's cousin if she knew who the couple in the center of picture was... she didn't.
It was my grandmother & her second husband, vintage 1978. I met my mom's second cousin on Sunday, she was sitting right next to Papa in the picture.
My grandma's cousin was amazed. I was angry. My mom remembered her mom going to 'a few reunions' but nothing specific and she had the impression it was in the 40s or 50s... Grandma wasn't in any of those pictures. She found an extra copy pretty fast and gave it to me to add to my family photo wall.
The question we'll never know the answer to is why wasn't my mom, her 2 sisters and I there in the 70s. We're family, we all lived nearby, and that was a family reunion. Was she ashamed of us? Why else would she raise all of us to believe we were all the family there was?
Eventually my grandma's cousin was angry too, since she thought that there was a complete disconnect between the two branches but photographs don't lie. Her remaining siblings don't know what happened either since they were all about a decade younger, the older ones are gone. My new icon is of me holding a photo album from the late 1800's that my great-great-great grandmother was photographed holding in almost the same position around 1895.
Meet Jean-Paul (after Sartre), who lives in the living room of my mom's second cousin who is an orthopedic surgeon.
Most orthopedists I've encountered are assholes with God complexes but he is amazingly humble, fun-loving & about to celebrate his 25th wedding anniversary. We looked at their wedding photos when we went to visit, and it was obvious the love between them has grown so much stronger through the years despite the fact they lost their only son (my third cousin) to a brain tumor just a few years ago.
Grade school teachers, college professors, stay at home moms, going into real estate for themselves at 56, these people do it all but the sense of family unity and helping each other out without holding it over their heads was what struck me the most. Maybe this is common in the dynamics of larger families, I don't know, but it's completely unfamiliar terrain to me.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 06:15 am (UTC)heh, a skeleton in the living room? nice.
and creepy.
what'd kieran think of it?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-01 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 12:00 am (UTC)i don't blame him for keeping a distance. i think i would. lol.