Apr. 6th, 2004

twilight33: (Default)
I've now been in email contact with 4 people who once had very central roles in my life that I'd not heard from in timespans of 1 to 7 years within the past few weeks, most recently my ex-husband out of nowhere this afternoon.

What is rather interesting is how easily all the communication has happened, like the years hadn't passed and it'd only been a few weeks since we last talked. I could still feel their nuances behind the words on the screen, and hope that they could for me as well. I can just as easily see all of them vanishing again for 1-7 years, then touching base later and not think it odd. I used to think all meaningful friendships had to be constantly maintained on some level in order for them to be considered important. I've since learned there are those who leave footprints, disappear off the horizon, then reappear in faint twilight rays that have no less significance than my fixed stars in the night.

I can tell that all of them are wrapping their minds around me being a mom. Being married isn't such a big deal since I've been-there/done-that most of the time in the past decade, but having a kid is an identity shift especially since none of the people involved have them yet despite (re)marriages. Now I understand why another old friend (who has once again dropped off the horizon) was so excited to hear of Kieran's birth; that I'd understand the overwhelming fear/meaning/joy/love that his daughter brought to his life.

It's nice to know I'm thought of at all. My greatest fear is passing through life on this earth and not making a damned bit of difference. My hope for this not to happen obviously shines in Kieran, but I know better than to make him my everything.


twilight33: (Default)

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